Dreams of Children

I've been having the craziest dreams since I was little since being pregnant. Recently they've been more focused on the coming baby, which I don't mind. I dreamed that I was at the ultrasound and shouted out that it was a boy before the doctor could say anything. Then I dreamed of breast feeding. I've also had the nightmares that I know really have no place, but they are a reflection of inadequate sleep. I've done little to interpret dreams recently. Just seems to be a waste of time. Its just strange that the first time I've dreamed of having children. I've dreamed in one having a girl and boy close in age and being with them at Christmas. They seemed still not more than elementary school age. The little girl with tight curls, which is very possible with my husband's genes. And the little boy kind of reminded me of my brother when he was little. It is strange thinking that this is my last holiday season where I will not be a mother. My parents want me to travel, but part of me just wants to spend this one alone with my husband. How many more moments will I have of that? I'm realistic in that sense. But, I am pretty sure my family and his family would be offended by that. Now I am packing for our little move to a bigger place in town, and listening to Christmas music. But week 16 has been uneventful one as for pregnancy, other than at times I do wish I could take my allergy medication. Nothing to do for sinus headaches... Now I need to get back to packing.

Update at Week 15

Pregnancy isn't quite what I expected, but honestly I was obsessed with the opportunity of becoming pregnant that I didn't think too much on being pregnant. So I don't think I had many expectations. Now having a baby is very real, more so than it ever has been in my life. Tomorrow I will be 16 weeks pregnant and right around Thanksgiving I can find out the sex of the baby, if I want. We are moving to a different house, which we put off several times previously. When it came to caring for another new life, we wanted better for them and we didn't feel secure in this house.

So I made it through the first trimester and honestly it is a haze by this point. Weeks and I think months actually, of being sick. Morning sickness sucks, and that isn't even all of it. I stayed in the house all the time. I posted earlier it was because of the swine flu, but it was because I didn't feel like moving most of the time. You realize that the world stinks and wonder how you ever deal with these smells regularly. The only part I was lucky on is that I didn't puke; no I put on weight. I was nauseous if I didn't eat, and so I ate all the time. I was thinking by the end of that stage, why would anyone want to be pregnant? And how does anyone work through that? I couldn't.

Now I'm in my second trimester. My little one must have been through a growth spurt at the very first of it because my hips hurt all the time at first. My joints still pop all the time. I may just be lucky today, because it isn't bothering much today. My stomach grew out and I felt my skin stretch. Now I look pregnant. No pictures though. I'm not much for putting up photos anymore. I don't take them that much in general though.

Now it does seem that we'll be preparing for the baby till the day he/she comes. I don't want to be thrown off guard last minute. I don't understand why anyone would choose to wait till last minute. My goal was to at least wait through the first trimester. Now, I don't want to bother at least till I move. Then its time to prepare the baby's room. I don't know how I am going to be at the last part of the pregnancy. I am at risk for preeclampsia, and I know that can cause problems at the end of your pregnancy. The day before I found out I was pregnant I had a flash in a dream that I was on a hospital bed and I was looking at my stomach exposed and huge. A doctor told me I was going to need a C-section and I was terrified. The entire labor process is rather scary since I've never been through it before. A C-section is major surgery and I definitely don't want that to happen. I know sometimes you can't prevent it though.

Well, till I feel like writing again!