Friday, October 25, 2013

What defines me

I remember being in a international relations theory class, I wish I remember what I was reading. At the time I considered myself Catholic, but in no means was it the most important thing in my life. I was at school and I was with my friends, and that was what was important. I don't think I went to church except for holidays. Not that I do alot now, but I don't know for a different reason. Back to the international relations class... I was reading an article that brought me to ask the question how do you define yourself? At the time I had no clue, so I felt I needed to figure that out. How do you define yourself? To get to the point, I figured out because of my childhood religion and how I was raised I defined myself by my Catholic faith. So why was I trying to escape it? I wasn't sure about it for a few years because I was upset with the school I graduated from, which doesn't make sense right now. But I figured out, I can't escape what I am and I made peace with it. That is what drew me further into political theory, Aristotle and St. Thomas Aquinas. This drew me further into my faith. I thank my teachers at Texas State for giving me the material that brought me to this place. Not usual to thank a University for this, but its professors were Catholic and put that material into their classes. They still did have a political slant as well. From there I was brought further into prayer and asked God to bring me someone, I happened to meet my husband the very next day. My faith has grown since then. I've had hiccups with the OCD, but I am certain that being a Catholic defines me and I want it to be the same way for my child and hopefully children.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Obsessions and Compulsions

Things that have been recent obsessions I'm having:

1.  That I can't be forgiven from my sin
2.  That I'm going to do something wrong, just don't know what
3.  That I'm lying about OCD
4.  Images of cutting self (the usual)


1. Confessing guilt, I feel like I have to say something... Apologizing for being a burden
2.  Avoidance of prayer

Can't think of compulsions. I am doing better and that is what matters.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013


I am trying to figure out if I have scrupulosity or not? I do spend the day researching my faith. I feel relief thinking that is what it is. It started recently but me trying to be a better Christian started recently as well. I realize I'm not trying to help others or read the bible. Im obsessing over the fact I cant take communion. I fear prayer sometimes and I have inappropriate images come into my head while I do pray. I find myself praying over and over till I got it right. Sometimes I fall asleep. Ive done that for years. I just didnt think that is what it was. I felt ashamed at first, like this itself offended God. But I have some relief now. Goodnight.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Covering of Women's Heads in Mass

I have spent most of my days trying to read up on my faith. To examine things I've had questions on. I got a new rosary bracelet as a reminder of my faith. I just want to be an example for my family. Of course that also means starting to go to mass on Sunday. I have had trouble going to mass on Sundays because of worrying about my daughter and having a broken heal. 

But as shown in the previous post what I have been reading about is head coverings/mantillas/veils in mass. I have been wondering why women have stopped wearing head coverings? My mom stated that it is Vatican II.  It states in Catholic Answers that the Vatican ruled that it is cultural standards and that is why we aren't required to wear head coverings; it does state directly in the bible as I showed previously that women should wear head coverings though. Is it cultural? I know that it is a rarity to see those wearing the veil in mass today and if you did wear  it, you are bound to stand out. The question is does wearing the veil also have to do with modesty? 

I think that it is noticeable that it was dropped during the time of Vatican II as stated by my mom. I think it does have to do with sign of respect and modesty. As it states in the bible as well, women and men should not wear clothing of the other as well (Deuteronomy 22:5). I think it something that shows our submissiveness and differentiates our dress from men. But at the same time I do not wear one. Why? Because no one else does. 

I am contemplating that change, but at first I need to go back to church as I stated. I will let you know how this progresses.

Tuesday, October 08, 2013

1 Corinthians 11:5

But every wife who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head, since it is the same as if her head were shaven.

Monday, October 07, 2013

Luke 17:6

He replied, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you.

Changing the blog

For the first time in years I am changing the look of my blog. I had so many broken links and such I needed to update. So you see my new background of pictures and art. I also changed the description of the blog. I keep the history of it, but it describes what I am  now. I am a Catholic mother and wife as I described in the last post, that is mainly what I want of myself and I believe that is what the blog will reflect going forward.

So look forward to the new work and what is to be my updated blog.