Saturday, May 31, 2008

Fortune Teller

I had gone to a fortune teller when I was in Amarillo, twice. I was told that I will be living near the beach and will have a happy marriage. I will have four children. I remember the lady had me in tears the first time I was there. She told me to pray, that I had temporarily lost my way and to get out of that life quickly. I felt like she was reading my mind. She told me to close my eyes and to stick out my hand, but my eyes stayed open and she stared right into them.

The first time it was a creepy experience. She told me to keep everything to myself. Because I do not believe fully in the credibility of such people, I am posting on it. In fact the second time I went she gave quite faulty information. At the time I first went she said I have a question for her. I did have a question, but I was afraid to ask. My question was if the guy I was with was the one... The one for the great marriage, the four kids and the life on the beach. I did not ask though. I refused to. I was afraid of the answer because part of me knew that it was a no, but I wasn't ready to let go.

Well, regardless of what she said, I am married to a great guy and we live right near the beach. I don't know much about the others. She said I would meet one of my best friends in a position where I am sitting in front of a computer. She said that I would be a buisness woman that travels. I don't know what else. Doesn't sound too bad. It gives hope at least. She also gave such specific information I keep thinking, what the hell was she talking about. Maybe my entire life I think back to that lady every once and awhile and think of what she got right or wrong. I was thinking about it right now about the four kids with a life that she described. It sounds like a nice dream regardless of what is to come.

But I know to trust in God, but sometimes I wonder about the lives that God leads us on. Was he leading her? Was she a false profit? I don't know. It is just a memory that comes back to me every once and awhile.

Goodnight to any who read;)

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Job Change?

I am contemplating going between positions.

Why? I feel like I have to ask myself. I have to be very sure that I am ready. I have a position where I am respected in my office and I have control over the day to day activities. But, the control only goes so far.

I work in recruiting or sales... Same difference to me. This job consists of long hours. I sit in my seat for nine hours a day. I work for commission, so I am driven for to not take breaks. I had times that I had trouble taking lunch. They don't have regular breaks, just 7-12 then lunch, 1-5 (usually 6pm), and I go home. It is close to home, so that is fine. I am just tired.

Also, the commission structure is fine for temporary employment, but when your client goes to permanent the commission is questionable. Then there is the turnover at my position, which hurts you because of everyone being teamed together.

I will stop bitching.... I do get along with the people, which was one thing that makes this hard. I have also made money off of this, but the last complaint is why it is not consistent. Someone will bank off my efforts though.

I have a friend who is waving more immediate money in front of me at another recruiting company. Now, there is the initial build up, but there is the larger commission, larger base and less hours. Not too much farther from home either.

So more pay for less hours is good. Now I just have to interview. I feel secure that I am going between positions right at my two year mark. It does seem like a good deal. I will let you know if I take it. The only thing that makes me not want to if I get pregnant... But I wouldn't have done a thing if I waited for everything because I might get pregnant. Why wait for something that may not happen for another year or ever?

I just leave it to God's hands. I asked for an out and he handed it to me. I can only believe that it is his work. Till next time...

Saturday, May 17, 2008


Not too long ago my OBGYN told me that I am infertile. Strangely enough it was on my birthday. I wasn't very surprised though. I'm not exactly an advocate of birth control and I've now been married for two years.

Well, my doctor put me on 50 mg of clomid because of having PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome). Yes, same thing that Kate had on John and Kate + 8... In fact I think she got pregnant on he same stuff I'm on. I was glad to at least know what it was. Through this entire time I was thinking that all of these people growing up making us terrified of teenage pregnancy or getting pregnant from unsafe sex; and all the warnings of getting pregnant from just having sex once was absolutely crazy. They must be lying. Or maybe the formula to getting pregnant is getting REALLY drunk and then picking up someone at the bar for the night to where you have no clue what is going on in the morning. I've spoke with several single mothers. It seems to be an effective model. Well, I am not going to do that since I already have a husband and everything.

Well, I am on my first month of clomiphene or clomid and took day 4-8 as directed. I am using the basal thermometer and using a chart. I have a direct days to conceive and what not. I am not sure if I have ovulated or not. I think I might have, but that is the problem with PCOS is that you don't ovulate. The clomiphene (generic clomid) just created a surge of emotions and hotflashes. I kind of see why everyone says it is difficult time going through fertility treatment. It is like having PMS continuously through the month.

Well, I am day 15, so we will see how it goes. I pray that clomid works. Part of me thinks that it was God's gift giving me that answer and the medication on my birthday. Baby fever has been a frustration till now. Now I feel productive, like I am doing something to help this. I just hope I don't have twins or more. One is good.... But there is always the 10% chance of getting multiples. Look up multiples and clomid though. It looks pretty common on google.

So we will see how it goes.... Till next time...

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Baby names

Though not pregnant, baby's are on the brain. I have talked with several girls and it seems to be norm for girls to have an idea of their future children's names before they are even married. I was thinking about that myself. I have no definite names in mind. I am not sure if it matters too much. But what would I use when I have kids? What would I name a boy or girl?

I do have one definite standard, the name has to be Christian. Just standard, other than that I guess this is something that goes on feeling and also it has to go with my last name, so nothing starting with the same letter.

Now I could also go with names in my and my husband's family (this is taking into effect above standards); Boy names : Frank, Duran, Jessie, Matthew, William, Joseph, Michael, Arthur, Salvatore, Eleazar, Alfredo. That is just a few... For Girl names: Anne or Ana, Mary or Mary Anne, Elizabeth, Claire, Marlyn, Barbara, Julie.

Now with these I am going no further than grandparents. I do have names past that, some of the girl names are pretty, but I don't have them with me.

Now there is also the possibility of using names from those inspirational or of famous figures that we admire... That sort of thing. For boys: Thomas (St. Thomas Aquinas), Theodore (president), William (William F. Buckley), Aristotle (maybe not, but just comes to mind)... I have to think more on that one. For girls: Anne (multiple figures and family ties, so this one is strong), Marie (this is my patron saint's name).

So what is my preference. If you can't tell I am more settled on girl name than boy. But no reason to rush into things.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

New Post....

I am writing because I hate seeing that quiz on the top of my blog and there being no posts for the past year, but so life goes. You know I was thinking of past posts on my blog. I mean, this thing goes back years!

Amazing how time flies.

Anyway. I did posts on March 05, Nafisi, Nabokov and random thoughts. This was an interesting one when I look back on it. Especially how I said,

No, we do not have a repressive regieme where we feel helpless with the fear of death upon us. Yet we still lock ourselves into this materialistic world with the idea that it will make us happy.... That we have to find this perfect career to make us happy for the rest of our lives. What is the outcome? Well, in Jess's and my case it is going through the education system till we receive our Ph D's. What is the repayment of working away your youth? Why, more work... for security and stuff. Through this I am told never to marry till I'm done with school in my 30s and enjoy what you are forced to do. Hey you'll get plenty of vacation time when your too old to really enjoy it:)

Well, I do still think there is an illusion of the perfect career to some, but I'm not sure if that is the case anymore. No one stays in the same position for years; you can usually make more money from going to a new company once you have a few years experience. That is what I feel like I am doing... I am almost at that two year point of experienced recruiter, "ooo -aaah".

Not as prestigious as my original career path and what my mom chose, but it can be good for money if you pick the right industry and get with a company that won't rip you off (which from what I've heard is common).

I am just happy I have a place I can go to work that I can stand. Of course my job has now had the brilliant idea of moving the work place across the street from the beach. Now to some this might sound exciting. Imagine this, you look out at the window from morning before sunrise to evening when the sun is going down with only an hour in the sun each day. I can only think of it like having the seat at school looking out at the playground. You watch each and every recess period, but you get 1 hour. Except in my situation even that one hour I can't exactly go to stand on the beach in my work clothing.

So, I will stay at this a little longer and then see what comes about from there. Hope for higher base pay somewhere out there, better commission structure and the possibility for benefits... like what my parents had through the state... We can only dream.

Funny, how perspective on life can change. I was resistant to developing to the life I have here, but I am happier now. Regardless, all these developments of life no matter if materialistic or not are very much the order of human existence. Depression seems to develop from trying to get away from it.

Well, I've accomplished my goal. Got the quiz off the top. Now, I'll try not to be as scarce, but no promises. Life is unpredictable.