Saturday, August 27, 2011


I feel like I am being used as an experiment with medication no matter the doctor I go to. Doctors like to put me on a variety of medications it seems, all seems worth going along with though. I need some for anxiety/OCD, whatever you want to call it. I need some for my thyroid. I need others for vitamins, because you become easily deficient while breast feeding. I need others to sleep because of the other medications keeping me awake.

From this I am suppose to be better which part of it is. I find myself wanting to get off medication because of medication working which is a ridiculous idea I know. Something I've told others on psychiatric drugs to just keep going, but none listen. I'm going to keep going myself.

So why does this matter. Well with all of this I still am not quite right. My OCD is down but anxiety is up... Doesn't make sense to me. I find myself afraid of communicating the slightest things to others close to me. So things play through my head over and over and over... Is that the OCD up again? Maybe. That is the diagnosis right...

So maybe its just the medication not fully working yet and I didn't even realize it because the obsessions changed. Maybe. They just don't change often. They are usually quite consistent. Am I making sense? That is a good question.

Well, the medications are there as I am trying to get back a life that I imagine I can have. I imagine complete happiness with what I have which I should. Other than a few snags here and there I have a wonderful family and I take care of a wonderful daughter. Can all of this help me enjoy it a little better and also along the way not drive others close to me crazy? I don't know.

I need sleep. Good night blog world.

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