Friday, September 03, 2010

Thoughts at the end of a long day

As I watch my daughter rocking in her little rocker I wonder how much time I actually have to write. Our days are consistent mostly of work and baby, but what else would it be at this point. I don't take my child to daycare and I do feel sorry for those who have no choice but to do so. I think that is a major problem in today's society that mothers have to be torn from young children for that much of their day. I decide to work and to take care of my child at the same time, though others think I am crazy to do so. She is still rocking and about to not take anymore at this point. I think she is fighting sleep.

My days are at the same time are about to drive me crazy, and I don't think it is because of my new baby. Now she does play a part in it actually, but I think it is more because I want to spend more time with her than I really can. I want to hold and play with her while I am forced to write emails and answer the phone. I do this from the house or the office where ever I am. I try to breastfeed and to talk to candidates at the same time. I look at her and I feel an ache inside of me every time I feel she is neglected. But, I would feel worse if she was in daycare. I don't believe anyone will care and especially take care of your child as well as you do. I think there is plenty of proof of that in South Florida as there has been more than one case of children left in day care vans. No criminal charges for this by the way.

Why am I writing this? I am just frustrated. I am frustrated with my life and how it is going and I projecting on a blog I don't think anyone reads anymore. The company that I've been building for the past few years and is there for the future of my family is about to drive me crazy. I try to ask for help, but no one can do what I do. I told my husband that I couldn't do exactly what I am doing before our child was born... The fact is, no one else can do it. So I must try to raise my baby the best I can while working full time. There is no other choice in the matter. And I'm not putting her in daycare, because that simply is not an option for her or any child I have. So I'm driven thin. Very thin. She is asleep... I knew that would happen. 9pm, a little earlier than usual. I am the worst at keeping my child up late.

To be fair to my husband, he is thin as well from his own work. So I keep it to myself for the most part. You can only do it for so long though. My company gives me this luxury at the same time. I always to remember that.

Well, time for bed.

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