1Kings 19: 11-13

And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the LORD. And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; [but] the LORD [was] not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; [but] the LORD [was] not in the earthquake:

And after the earthquake a fire; [but] the LORD [was] not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.

And it was [so], when Elijah heard [it], that he wrapped his face in his mantle, and went out, and stood in the entering in of the cave. And, behold, [there came] a voice unto him, and said, What doest thou here, Elijah?

Birthday Wishes:)

People have been asking me what I want for my birthday. The funny thing is that I really only want to enjoy it:) But here are 10 birthday wishes off the top of my head:

1. Finish all the semester's work with ease(yes, that is what I want the most)
2. To keep my job for the summer
3. To hang out with all my friends and have a bad ass time (unrealistic, finals are up and all live in different areas of Texas: Austin, San Marcos, San Antonio, Dallas area, College Station and Amarillo... maybe I'll see everyone over the summer)
4. To eat gelatos and hang out with Jess at the Flying Saucer(okay, that is happening)
5. A call from Arthur:)
6. Nice weather
7. Good food and cheap alcohol
8. A stripper(ha, ha)
9. Clean house(almost there)
10. A laptop(just in case my parents read this... Even if they do I think they would laugh at me, then yell at me for my tongue ring)

Am I easy to please or what! Oh yeah one last thing I wanted to do:



I like opening my blog and seeing Trent! If nothing else this will keep the girls(and a couple of guys) happy that visit... or disturb them. Oh well...

Hope everyone has a good weekend:)

Quote: Of the first man's sin

Accordingly, while both (namely the devil and the first man) coveted God's likeness inordinately, neither of them sinned by coveting a likeness of nature. But the first man sinned chiefly by coveting God's likeness as regards "knowledge of good and evil," according to the serpent's instigation, namely that by his own natural power he might decide what was good, and what was evil for him to do; or again that he should of himself foreknow what good and what evil would befall him. Secondarily he sinned by coveting God's likeness as regards his own power of operation, namely that by his own natural power he might act so as to obtain happiness. Hence Augustine says (Gen. ad lit. xi, 30) that "the woman's mind was filled with love of her own power." On the other hand, the devil sinned by coveting God's likeness, as regards power. Wherefore Augustine says (De Vera Relig. 13) that "he wished to enjoy his own power rather than God's." Nevertheless both coveted somewhat to be equal to God, in so far as each wished to rely on himself in contempt of the order of the Divine rule.
(St. Thomas Aquinas' Summa Theologica- question 163, article 2)

Blogs to check out

Just wanted to point out that I added two links to the "Blogs to check out" list(sidebar):

Anastasia's blog(found hers thanks to Phil)- In Saecula Saeculorum

Jim's blog(his is rather new)- Opinated Opinions and Other Redundant Ramblings

Check them out!

Music quiz!

This seems pretty accurate to me! I think all should take this one:) Its really short, and I'd love to know your results!

Please let me know:)

Your Taste in Music:

90's Alternative: Highest Influence

Alternative Rock: Highest Influence

Classic Rock: Highest Influence

80's R&B: Medium Influence

Old School Hip Hop: Medium Influence

R&B: Medium Influence

80's Rock: Low Influence

90's Hip Hop: Low Influence

90's Pop: Low Influence

90's Rock: Low Influence

Gangsta Rap: Low Influence

Hair Bands: Low Influence

Progressive Rock: Low Influence

How's Your Taste in Music?

Woe is me...

(sexy pic of Trent Reznor)

I am sad...

I just looked up the ticket prices to see Nine Inch Nails in Houston this May.

(sniff, sniff)

Just look it up and you'll see why...

I'm going to miss seeing Trent yet again:(

Good luck you guys!

I just wrote down everything that I have to have done by May 9th...

I am starting to feel a little faint(okay, breath). Damn, I hate how much I procrastinate! It sends me into panic attacks at the end of the semester. I'll be okay, but that means that is what I need to put all my focus on right now. So, even though I wrote that I'd do that Catholicism Wow post... whatever. I didn't have my schedual in front of me at that time. So be suprised if there is almost anything posted between now and then...(probably pictures of my birthday at most).

So here I go again, back into the craziness of research papers and take home exams... Good luck to all that are dealing with the end of the semester stresses!

Laters:)

My newest drawing... Adam & Eve

I'm going to paint this one as well, but it probably won't be done till school is out. I still wanted to post it... so what do you think?

I love wild flowers

I love wild flowers
Posted by: lndavis.

What is funny about this picture is that I stepped into a fire ant hill without even realizing it to take this pic:) I have bad luck when it comes to fire ants.

Just redirecting you...

I said I'd finish my post on the church awhile back. I really don't have the time to do that at this point. I do want to direct your attention though to a couple of Phil's posts that I thought were interesting:The Conservative "B16" and History, Change, and the Church.

I'd have more to say if there was the time, but I don't need to waste too much time on the old blog today.

Later!

Another one that I love:)

This another one of my drawings that was posted before on Jess' blog. It goes with her untitled poem!

April has been fun

This month has been pretty crazy.

Usually April is difficult because of school, but I haven't been focusing well in that area. I know that's a bad thing, its not like in undergrad anymore. I go through these periods where it seems impossible to focus. My mind bounces around from thing to thing and before I know it the day is over and nothing is accomplished. Damn, do I need control...

I will try and keep myself in this week, but I can't say I will this weekend since I turn 23. Not like that is a big deal to me, it is just another reason to go out. Birthdays don't seem to matter anymore. That probably has to do with age, and the fact that my birthday falls right at finals. I've never been one to think much of any holidays or birthdays. I usually remember people's birthdays a few days after the fact and never remember to get them a gift. Well, unless it is Jess.... I think she would get mad at me.

Thinking of Jess, if you haven't read it already, everyone should check out Jess' first love poem. She claims:

"The poem isn't "really" about anyone. It was a dream I had just had that is why I wrote it right when I first woke up."

Yeah, I was confused at first to think my best friend would like a guy so much and I couldn't even guess who it is. Point is, it is definatly worth checking out.

Dude! Soja(brother's dog) just fell off the couch in her sleep! That was hilarious(she's a big dog, it didn't hurt her)!

Okay... I'm sure you didn't need to know that. I'm rambling again. I'll post again when I think of something worth posting about.

Till then....

I did it...

I did it...
Posted by: lndavis.

Yes, here is proof that I got the ring. It kicks ass man!

Before I go out...

Short post.

I'm in San Antonio... big suprise. I'm about to get my tongue ring! I'm sooo nervous!!!I'll have to get a couple drinks in me before hand so I can calm down a little.

Lets see, what else... Ahh, this guy Arthur bought me roses this weekend. I don't remember the last time I've been given flowers! He's a sweetie:) I actually like him. I can't start dating him or anything though since he's getting deployed to Iraq tommarow for six months. Of coarse that happens to me. I have the damndest luck...

We are hanging out tonight at Pat O'Brians again. It'll be fun:) I don't have my camera this time, but we will try to bring a disposable one. So maybe there will be pictures.

I should go, need to meet up at the Flying Saucer.

Later

Another Quiz...

Your Seduction Style: Ideal Lover

You seduce people by tapping into their dreams and desires. And because of this sensitivity, you can be the ideal lover for anyone you seek. You are a shapeshifter - bringing romance, adventure, spirituality to relationships. It all depends on who your with, and what their vision of a perfect relationship is.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

I'm tired, so here's a Catholic joke

Man am I tired!

I woke up with my cell phone in my hand... that is never a good sign(its my alarm clock). I was already fifteen minutes late to work. So I call in to tell the office, which it seems I've done the past three times in a row that I have had to open the computer lab. Its getting to be a nasty habit. Maybe I should try going to sleep earlier...

Point is... I don't know. My brain hasn't started functioning yet today. That sucks since its already past eleven.

I know! I can use one of these stupid jokes I get on my email all the time.....

Alright, I found one. I don't know who to give credit to on this one, but here it is:

A Good Catholic Story

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices
a sign out of the corner of his eye... It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES

He thinks it was a figment of his imagination and drives on without
a second thought... Soon he sees another sign, which says:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES

Suddenly, he begins to realize that these signs are for
real... Then he drives past a third sign saying:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the
drive... On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a
small sign next to the door reading:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you, my son?"

He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in
possibly doing business."

"Very well, my son. Please follow me." He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, "Please knock on this door."

He does as he is told and another nun in a long habit, holding a
tin cup answers the door. This nun instructs, "Please place $100 in the
cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this way."

He gets $100 out of his wallet and places it in the second nuns cup. He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him. As the door locks behind him, he finds himself
back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:

GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED
BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT,
YOU SINNER.

Well, there you go. Maybe I'll be able to write more later...

More on the new pope (incomplete)

Right now I am trying to find out information on the new pope(which I have to give thanks to Phil and Some Catholic Blogs for the Catholic blog links). I can say that it has been interesting searching through the web about Pope Benedict XVI. For instance, the ongoing conflicting views of the 'liberal' and 'conservative' Catholics.

I have to say that I agree with Anastasia's post. For one, it is ridiculous to expect someone of more liberal standing to be chosen as pope. I think it would take away from the beauty of the church; it would degrade its tradition. I don't think that 'conservative' being associated with any holy leader should ever be seen as a bad thing. Isn't the whole idea of the church to maintain a community of those faithful to God, and to bring more to salvation? If Catholicism were to change with the fickle trend of every generation I think there would be an overall loss of respect for its authority on faith and religion. There would be no reason for the church.

I liked Fr. Rob Johansen's response:

"Given Cardinal Ratzinger's reputation, we soon can also expect to see a stream of complaints from those for whom he will be too 'conservative' and 'traditional'. Of course, to call a Pope 'conservative' is no pejorative, as the Pope's whole office and charge is to conserve the Tradition, the Deposit of Faith."

I have seen complaints of the new pope. Some having him associated with Nazi Germany and others writing about his opposition to feminism. I have only been able to read one article of his, 'RELATIVISM: THE CENTRAL PROBLEM FOR FAITH TODAY'....

Okay, I don't mean to end the post like this, but I got distracted while writing it earlier today and now I'm not in the right mind set to finish. I'll try to write more on it tommarow:)

Philosophy quiz!

Ethical Philosophy Selector

Okay, I really like this one(for obvious reasons). The questions I have is if I read too much Aquinas and why the hell is Jeremy Bentham 2nd on my list?

my results:

1. Aquinas   (100%)  
2. Jeremy Bentham   (80%)  
3. John Stuart Mill   (78%)  
4. St. Augustine   (76%)  
5. Plato   (75%)  
6. Cynics   (73%)  
7. Spinoza   (65%)  
8. Aristotle   (62%)  
9. Thomas Hobbes   (58%)  
10. Ayn Rand   (56%) 
11. Epicureans   (56%)  
12. Jean-Paul Sartre   (52%)  
13. David Hume   (46%)  
14. Kant   (45%)  
15. Ockham   (42%)  
16. Prescriptivism   (37%)  
17. Stoics   (33%)  
18. Nietzsche   (31%)  
19. Nel Noddings   (30%)  

I act 33!?!

Going through quizes... because I'm being lazy as usual. So I am about to turn 23, and this is what this stupid quiz says:

You Are 33 Years Old

33 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

I have been wondering why I seem to attract only older guys lately... doesn't matter.

That's it for now:)

Pope Benedict XVI

The new pope has been elected! Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger of Germany was selected today.



From Pope Benedict XVI:
"Dear brothers and sisters,
after our great Pope, John Paul II, the Cardinals have elected me, a simple, humble worker in God's vineyard.
I am consoled by the fact that the Lord knows how to work and how to act, even with insufficient tools, and I especially trust in your prayers.
In the joy of the resurrected Lord, trustful of his permanent help, we go ahead, sure that God will help. And Mary, his most beloved Mother, stands on our side. Thank you."

Japanese name

Found this one thanks to Yakiniku:

Your Japanese Name Is...

Sada Takashi

What's your Japanese Name?

Me, Jess and Asilda

Me, Jess and Asilda
Posted by: lndavis.

The three of us hanging out at Pat O'Brians. A rare picture of myself with others. I notice recently that if there is a picture of me it is usually me holding the camera. I usually don't like pictures unless I take them myslef, or someone like Jeremy takes them... but this one turned out right.

Jess and Eli

I think that's his name. He was the only one there when the camera was out... its a good picture though.

Jess and Asilda

Jess and Asilda
Posted by: lndavis.

This is the only pic I have of Jess showing off her new ring, and that is a friend Asilda.

Piercings and navy guys

Jess got her toungue pierced. No, there was no planning involved. We were having a couple of beers at a local bar and she said she wanted it done;I offered to pay and then we went. She payed more for my nipple rings(I like piercing, but I think they look tacky on the face), and those were much more expensive. Now I have promised to get mine done next weekend. That's cool though... its fun;) Plus, I'll be suprised if anything compares to the pain of getting your nipples pierced. I was wearing a shirt where my rings were noticeable through the material when we were at the studio. Jess asked how painful it would be. The guy responded, "Not as painful as your friend's piercings." Yeah, I turned bright red. I'm not use to people pointing them out like that.

Other than that, before we left the bar we ended up running into the guy that I wrote about a few days ago. He offered to pay for us to go to Oysterfest and so we ended up hanging out with him later that night. We went to Pat O'Brians instead(Oysterfest had no parking and a great number of ghetto people walking from miles away to get to it... I think majority of San Antonio is ghetto, but still). We had a blast hanging out with the navy guys! I have pictures, but the two guys that Jess and I spent most of the time talking to ran off when I pulled out my camera. I'll probably put them up when I'm off from work. I was happy because I didn't pay for anything the whole night. Plus that guy(his name is Arthur) turned out to be really cool! I spent the whole night talking to him. He can keep my interest. Considering that I haven't met too many guys of recent who can do that, I like him. Though he is still going off to Iraq next week. He was originally going off a few days ago, but it was pushed back a week. That's how life goes...

So it seems I've picked up a pen-pal at least. Maybe I'll see him before he takes of. Ah, whatever. I need to work on something else. Just thought I'd post about my weekend for the few who wish to know.

Later

English dialect test

Your Linguistic Profile:

55% General American English

20% Dixie

15% Yankee

5% Midwestern

5% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Another watercolor

This one took alot from me. This is the extent of what I can do with two dollar watercolors from HEB. Now I am tired......

Saint Marie Bernadette of Lourdes

Prayer to St. Bernadette

O Saint Bernadette, who, as a meek and pure child, did eighteen times at Lourdes contemplate the beauty of the Immaculate Mother of God and received her messages, and who afterwards wished to hide yourself from the world in the convent of Nevers, and to offer thyself there as a victim for the conversion of sinners, obtain for us the grace of purity, simplicity and mortification that we also may attain to the vision of God and of Mary in Heaven.  Amen.

This is funny

This is just to show my crappy attempt at watercolor. This picture could have been cool... now it looks like an elementary school kid tried to color it in, ha!

Though I have to admit the color I used definatly brought more to the picture than I could with just the pen... maybe I'll try something else.

Later.

Decisions, decisions

I'm actually in San Marcos for once on the weekend, and man is it nice out!

I'm also kind of stuck here for the time being, unless I take my car to the shop. The light came on earlier to tell me it needs to be fixed. The loud thumping noise every time I move the steering wheel to the right should have been an indicator a long time ago. Ah, I'll get my parents to help when they come next. I've tried asking my family where to take it and no one will tell me. They assume I should know, but I don't know shit about cars!

What to do, what to do...

I feel pulled in two different directions. One wants me to go sit outside with my art supplies and turn up the music... possible with a beer. The other wants me to catch up with school work since the end of the semester is coming up, and I have been a lazy ass so far.

Oh the choices! So why am I writing here?

Good question Ellen, you shuld leave the computer.

You're right self, you're always right though.... I will leave the blog for now.

Might post later, but who knows. I never know.

Later

Feminism and 'Vaginal brain clot'

I have a bit of a hangover this morning/now afternoon. Jess called me in emotional distress yesterday, and my solution for almost any problem is to go drinking. Probably not the smartest thing to do in the middle of the week(especially since I have a presentation to do tonight), but I felt obliged to do so. So we went to eat sushi(I was having another craving for Japanese thanks to reading this) and then to the bars.

I'm not going to describe my night, but I had to put up something about this guy I talked to. A navy guy who said he was a writer that is going off to Iraq in a couple of days. I'm not sure how successful of a writer he is, but he told me about one of his theories on women in his new book. He said that all women are born with a disorder called 'vaginal brain clot'... yeah, I didn't know what to think when I heard that one. Basically the belief was that all women are born crazy. The guy tells me stories about how his exwife and exgirlfriend showed symptoms of this: taking him shoe shopping and crying over dead trees in the park, stuff like that.

Hearing this brought me to something I had been thinking about earlier that day. I had learned yesterday morning that the radical feminist Andrea Dworkin had recently passed away. No, I wasn't posting my own opinion by the quote I put up yesterday. I had done a paper about a year ago on Pornograohy and the First Amendment. Seeing Dworkin's name just reminded me of the torture of writing that thing. If you ever want to learn about just how insane feminism can get then that is a good area to start. Don't get me wrong, Dworkin was entertaining to read. I just don't understand the extent of her and other feminists' obsession. Humans show thier most irrational side of themselves through sex (list to show this). Those women against pornography obsess over the erradication of it by studying the darkest areas of human sexuality. Dworkin labeled pornography in general as a rape of women. If it was rape I'd understand why she had been so set on abolishing porn, but many go into that field without force. I just never saw the rape.

So why did 'vaginal brain clot' make me think of Dworkin? Okay, I'm not accusing anyone of that... I am a woman after all, and that would be retarded of me. I think it was just the association of all women to these few fucked up ones in his life. Kind of like associating feminism to the radicals that are around. I'm criticized if I say I am or am not a feminist. Either I'm not enough in support of women holding high carrer positions or I'm a man hater(which I have been accused of both). Well, I can say that I want a carrer and I don't hate men, so where does that leave me? I can tell you where, the hell away from feminist jurispudence theory.

Looking back at my post it seems that I've said that Dworkin was fucked up (my wording is horrible isn't it). I think the sick part of it all is the categorizing of women in such a manner. For instance, this guy at the bar putting all women as the same as his ex-wife and such. Hell, I've never forced a guy to go shopping with me... let alone shoe shopping. Crying over the trees? It sounds like his ex was a bit off. He did say that she left him for a wizard or a yoga instructor though...

Not the point.

So what is the point?

Nothing anymore, I'm rambling. So I end the post here.

Saved By the Bell quiz

Which "Saved By The Bell" Character Are You?

Quote

"What is at stake in obscenity law is always erection: under what conditions, in what circumstances, how, by whom, by what materials men want it produced in themselves. Men have made this public policy. Why they want to regulate their own erections through law is a question of endless interest and impotance to feminists. Nevertheless, that they do persist in this regulation is simple fact. There are civil and social conflicts over how best to regulate erection through law, especially when caused by words or pictures. Arguments amoung men notwithstanding, high culture is phallocentric. It is also, using the civilized criteria of jurispudence, not infrequently obscene."

Pornography: Men Possessing Women by Andrea Dworkin

One of my favorites

This was posted first on Jess' blog(the scanner also didn't pick up the whole drawing). I'm putting it up again because I like it... though it probably needs to be redone. I won't write my own criticisms though.

Napoleon Dynamite quiz

I've haven't even sat through this movie from start to finish yet. I know that many people like it... so here are the results for your amusement:


You are Napoleon Dyanamite and a buttload of gangs
are trying to recruit you.


Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Blogs to check out

I just made another change to my links. Friends and others I visit:

Blog is a dumb name!- Jess's blog; my best friend and an excellent poet (she's also a neuro-psychology major at UTSA). All the links to 'Our Project' with my art and her poetry are also to her blog. I think this is the blog I visit most frequently.

A Bunch of Shit Nobody Cares About- Derek's blog (new link); he's an architect major at UTA. So far his blog has been a journal and pics of his school projects.

Images and Words of a Juice Head- Jeremy's blog; he's a photographer at North Texas. He needs to put up more of his pictures (hope he reads this), he's a great photographer.

Impending Global Doom- Dave's blog; lives in Amarillo. This is his journal (mostly his life as a schitzeffective/schtzophrenic... whatever it is), not a political blog anymore (so the title doesn't quite fit anymore... that's cool though).

Same Shirt, different day- Yakiniku's blog (new link); a journal as he teaches english abroad in Japan.

Shades of Gray (Umbrae Canarum)- Phil's blog; the guy who introduced me to this new addiction called blogging and a fellow theorist in College Station. The content appears to be mostly politics and theology, anything to distract him from writing on his dissertation.

Please check them out! I'll write more later:)

This weekend

Posted by: lndavis

This weekend
I'm back and am able to write now. I have just come off of one hell of a hangover... can't even believe I went to work this morning.

Anyway.

I spent the weekend with Jess. Her parents were originally going out of town on Saturday. A party was planned, but I think they sensed that something was going to happen. They left Sunday morning instead. No problem though. We still went out. Went to see Texas Radio on Friday, kicked ass as usual. Started drinking at the bar closest to Jess' house in the afternoon the next day(this photo was taken that night)... she was upset. I'll let her write about it if she wants. We actually spent the rest of the night at that bar... since there was no party. We had a blast. For some reason, I think it was because I was already drunk, I wore these glasses the whole night. Everything looks cool through them! I just told everyone that I was punched in the eye... I think they knew I was full of shit though. Oh well. It was fun. We also did our vampire skit... that's always amusing. The guy behind us was listening intently.

Ah, I think I need to go back to bed. I'll write again tomorrow... or from looking at the time it would be more acurate to say later today.

Later

Off to San Antonio, again...

I've been reading parts of Prima Secunda of the Summa(St. Thomas) since the early afternoon.

Now I'm off to San Antonio. I hate when I get the boats of excellent concentration when I want to go out with friends. Can't this happen during the week.

Now I will be sitting there listening to a badass band thinking about Aquinas' views on sin. Oh well, I guess that is why my friends want to call me Kabu/Stumps... I sit there at the bar while all others are socializing. Part of it is because of a hearing problem, the other part is from being lost in thought... or being too drunk.

Doesn't matter right now, don't want to be late:)

P.O.E.

Peace
u
r
i
t
y

on
f

Earth
s
s
e
n
c
e



I felt like watching Dr.Strangelove after class. Love that movie!
..........yeah, I need sleep:)

Short break(all nighter)

I'm a little busy.

It seems that my laziness early in the semester has hurt me a little. So I can't post anything worth while unless it involves Aristotle's connection between Ethics and Politics or Reinhold Niebuhr's Children of Light and the Children of Darkness... Yep, two papers on the mind.

Oh yeah, there is an article about what happened at the computer lab the other day. Evidently it was my co-worker Dane that made an "executive decision" to vacate the lab. The article amused me.

I will finish the post on my religious views later. I had a run in with one of my main proff's today and was reminded to stop fucking around.

"I have six pages," I say nervously.

"Well that's great; you also have ten fingers, two eye and one nose. I still don't have your work," he responds looking back to Neil (I should know better than to hang out with his TA, so he doesn't catch me off guard).

Thinking of that, I have had enough of a break. Back to writing.

Day 2

Still no smoking.
The torture! Damn the nicotine! I want a fucking smoke... no, no I don't.
I really hate this. How do I distract myself?
I can do this. It hasn't even been 48 hrs.
Man do I feel pathetic right now.............
No, I won't keep you updated on my habit everyday. I promise.

Thoughts on Catholicism... (a lengthy post)

(Sorry for the length, this is something important to me.)

With the recent passing of the pope I have been thinking much of my relations with the Catholic Church. My devotion to the church has been almost virtually nonexistent since the time I left high school. At that point I had heard much of the disappointment of my community in the decisions of our new bishop. This new bishop had stopped a project to start a new Catholic school, which many had been invested in for years. People tried to convince the bishop of continuing the project, but there was no convincing him. So it was officially killed under his authority.

This is one aspect of the Catholic Church that appears to upset people the most, the hierarchical system of government. Being Catholic gives you no influence over the decisions of the church, and American citizens have little experience with having any system that they don't have a say in. This had confused me as a child because the Catholic Church is differentiated from other denominations mostly because of having this hierarchy, but at the same point this is what I saw giving the most frustration to its members. My mother and all my relatives on her side are the Catholics of my family, and all of them are "liberal Catholics". These are the same that argue over the status of women in the church, the abortion issue, and homosexuality. Regardless of their views none of them have ever had any wish of leaving the church, the church is part of their identity and what they grew up with. Most Catholics I know find the church as a source of comfort and have great respect for the rich history and tradition it offers. They still want the church to be more progressive and at the same time still love Catholicism for its stability. I always thought that to be amusing.

I have not been to mass since I went with one of my friends in College Station almost a year ago. No, I haven't even been for Christmas or Easter celebration. I haven't had confession since 1999, the year I graduated high school. At the same time I still refer to myself as Catholic and keep up with what is going on in the church. My faith has remained constant, but the influence of the "liberal" trend in Catholicism and that of my atheist father made me question the credibility of the church. That was all I saw, that the church kept up with outdated beliefs and that many of the community remained out of comfort and not true belief.

One trait I really dislike the most in people is shallowness. I never want to be seen that way. When I go into something, I go into it with passion. If I loose that passion, I question why I do it in the first place. So of coarse this inner conflict has led me through years of searching, both through other religions and for faith in the one that I was raised in.

What did I end up with? In the end nothing can replace my love of the Catholicism. It is part of my identity. I have made this conclusion a while ago, but I haven't felt ready to go back till now. It may seem silly that the death of the pope has given the idea that I'm ready to go back. Reading about him brought me back to my original ideas that I had conflicted with years ago, that there is a need for this ancient system and these old ideas. Well, my old conflicts all seem silly to me now. I can't believe in any other church because they lack the same stability of ideas. I truly love the church's consistency through our fast passed world and I hope it never changes. Am I actually more of a traditionalist? Maybe it has to do with my development through my education....

I realize that this post is really long and I am hungry. I'll finish this later tonight.

No cigs...

... so I have a headache from hell(if that is possible), and am probably being the bitchiest person today.

Yes, I am trying to quit. Not sure how successful I will be though. I'm going drinking with one of my friends that smokes tonight. We'll see how it goes.

Head hurts too much to write. I just finished doing picture links on the sidebar for my sketches. What do ya think?

Later

Poems of Pope John Paul II (1920-2005)

Two poems by Karol Wojtyla (Pope John Paul II):

Over This, Your White Grave
Over this, your white grave
the flowers of life in white--
so many years without you--
how many have passed out of sight?
Over this your white grave
covered for years, there is a stir
in the air, something uplifting
and, like death, beyond comprehension.
Over this your white grave
oh, mother, can such loving cease?
for all his filial adoration
a prayer:
Give her eternal peace--
[Krakow, spring 1939]

Actor
So many grew round me, through me,
from my self, as it were.
I became a channel, unleashing a force
called man.
Did not the others crowding in, distort
the man that I am?
Being each of them, always imperfect,
myself to myself too near,
he who survives in me, can he ever
look at himself without fear?


I had heard earlier that the Holy Father had passed away. Please keep him in your prayers.

Freakin' Hilarious!

You have to check this out: WhackYourBoss.com- "Maintaining peace through violence"

The main page has a cartoon of a guy talking to his boss in a cubical and you can pick different objects in the office to kill the boss with! It is funny!

Pope John Paul II

I was sad to read this. It has been reported that the pope has recieved his last rights.

I pray that he recovers.

I don't know what else to say. I know that I am not the most loyal member to the church, but I still hold great respect for him. The only way I could explain his position to those not of the Catholic faith is that he is a father figure that all look up to in the church.

I feel wierd writing this since I know there are very few Catholics who come here. Still, I wanted those who might have missed the news to know.